Category Archives: Your Weekend Releases

Scofield — The Birthday Countdown. Er… Count-up. Part One.

I was born in 1982.

Shocker, right? I’m the pup at BGTN. This May 25th, I will leave behind my child and young-adult hood and become a full fledged thirty-something. By hitting 30, I assume it’s time to worry about stuff like IRAs, a 401k, arthritis and baby aspirin for heart attack prevention.

My favorite thing about old people is their stories. I love listening about “when I was younger” tales from my father, grandfather and their friends. My life hasn’t really been exciting, but shit has happened.

Specifically movies.

Scofield

The headmaster of BGTN, Professor X, likes to tout 1977 as the best year ever. Well, I can’t speak to that. I wasn’t alive then. It may have been rockin’. But I can tell you that I’ve watched movies my whole life. Movies that I shouldn’t have watched, being as young as I was. So I present you with a five-part special. These are the best movies of my life… by year. Enjoy.

Years 1-6 (1982 – 1987)

1982 – I was born. So was THX sound. This was an advancement year for movies. You all remember hearing that “WHAAAAAAAAAAA” for the first time when presented with THX. So at least my birth was in good company.

As far as films go, ’82 was a good year. There’s some real stars there. Of course, X would want me to pick Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. But I won’t. No, brothers and sisters, Sco’s movie of 1982 isBlade Runner.

Now, you know of our mutual love of Blade Runner here at BGTN so I won’t go into all the gushy details and sound like a fanboy (yet again). But it truly is Ridley Scott’s finest hour. Yeah, even overAlien. If you haven’t seen the film yet, there’s no reason not to go to the store right now and buy it. 1983 – My first birthday was marked with the arrival of my cousin. On the exact same day. Goddamn, there’s nothing like having your first birthday overshadowed by the “new kid in town.” Then you have to check janam kundli of that kid. It’s not gotten any better since.

1983 in film was landmarked by having more R rated films released than any previous year. That’s what cocaine will do for an business.

And we all know how well the MPAA does their job…

Released this year were some big time films. Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, WarGames, and Risky Business all came out in 1983. But to two-year-old Sco and his now fatter, balder self, one movie from this year stands out the most. Yeah, I picked something over Star Wars. But it wasn’t Empire, my favorite, so don’t judge me.

National Lampoon’s Vacation

Without this film, the words “Wally World” wouldn’t mean anything. It made the prospect of a cross country road trip seem fun. Sure, it sucked for ol’ Clark, but, dammit, the man showed determination. This is the best Lampoon film ever, followed VERY closely by Christmas Vacation.

1984 – I was balls deep into my terrible twos. Which apparently involved falling into a lit kerosene heater (still have that scar) and drinking from any unattended beer can that my parents or their friends left laying around (no, the burn wasn’t because I was drunk).

Read : X’s List O’ 5ive–Maid Madness

1984 brought some changes to the movie industry. Walt Disney founded Touchstone Pictures to release non-Disney appropriate films. Tri-Star Pictures (founded as a joint venture of HBO, CBS and Columbia Pictures) released its first film. Also, the beloved MPAA added the PG-13 Rating to its rating repertoire in response to some of the releases this year. Hits of the year were Beverly Hills Cop, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Gremlins and The Karate Kid. Shit that shouldn’t have been released this year: ANOTHER Star Trek movie, Star Trek III: The Search for SpunkPurple Rain and Footloose.

My pic of the year is a classic. It should be able to be quoted by anyone who considers themselves a Sci-Fi fan. Who you gonna call, motherfuckers?

I’ll always stand behind Sci-Fi comedies. They go well together. And 1984’s Ghostbusters is brilliant. The original concept and script that Dan Aykroyd brought to Ivan Reitman was completely different, when he told Aykroyd that the idea was sound but the budget wasn’t available, Dan and his buddy Harold Ramis (2 years in a row, bitches) went to Martha’s Vineyard and rewrote the film in a bomb-shelter. Heh. Awesome. You want some reasons to watch this flick?

Zuul.

Sigourney Weaver looking hot when she’s possessed.

The Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man.

And…

Bill Fuckin’ Murray.

1985 – I was rounding my toddler years. Three years old found me very light brown / blonde headed and skinny. Heh. I’m pretty sure I was switched when I was six.

1985 in film saw Roger Moore step down from the role of James Bond after 7 years. He was replaced by… well it doesn’t matter, because none of them have been as good as Roger Moore or Sean Connery. Yep, even Daniel Craig. The big hits of the year were Back to the Future, Rambo: First Blood Part 2, Rocky IV and The Color Purple.

Scofield’s pick for best movie of 1985 goes to….

WHO RUN BARTERTOWN?!? I love me some post-apocalypse flicks. I won’t say that Thunderdomeis as good as Road Warrior, but it’s a damn fine choice for 1985. I assume that if the shit gets bad before I’m dead that this is EXACTLY how society will devolve. Look at any riot. Hell, 20 years ago today, the LA riots turned a city into a fuckin war-zone and that was just because some people were pissed. Imagine if government and life as we know it fails. Better get to your chainsaw before the other guy… Ladies and Gentlemen… dyin’ time’s here.

1986 – I was four. I’m pretty sure I could wipe my own ass, read and tie my shoes at this point. I was a smart cookie. In movies, the two biggest schmucks that I’ve ever had to listen to got their first syndicated show. Siskel and Ebert went on a many year run of uninformed, biased, bullshit reviews. They’re assholes. Or were. Whatever.

IT STINKS.

Popular films of this year included PlatoonCrocodile Dundee, ANOTHER GODDAMN STAR TREKMOVIE (The Voyage Home), and Aliens.

My pick? You may have heard of this film… You may have even seen X and I battling about it on Twitter. He doesn’t respect it. He should. So should you…

That’s right, goddammit, TOP GUN. Sure, Tom Cruise is all batshit crazy now. Kelly McGillis turned out to be a lesbian and now helps addicts and alcoholics at a half-way house, Val Kilmer is fat and Goose (Anthony Edwards) is doing movies that literally NO ONE sees (a British film Motherhoodsold 11 tickets on opening weekend for a Box office total of 88 GBP), but they were all on the top of their game here. My sister recorded this film off of HBO and I’m pretty sure I watched it over and over on that VHS until the sound was wonky and the picture would jump. I can quote every line. So eat it.

1987 – I’m officially school-aged. I’m already learning bad words and that girls are the devil. In theaters, nothing much happened. There was a record set at The School of the Art Institute in Chicago that saw The Cure For Insomnia become the longest running movie in history (Running Time: 5,220 minutes, or 87 hours, or 3 days and 15 hours). Popular films were Fatal Attraction,Good MorningVietnamMoonstruck and Dirty Dancing.

To me, the best movie of 1987 is…

These two played so well together. The movie was and still is one of my favorite “Buddy Cop” style films. It’s well written, well acted and made me want to be a cop. But a cool cop, like Gibson’s Riggs. The awesome bad-guy cast includes Mitchell Ryan and Gary Busey. Damn, I could watch this movie and the follow-ups as well. Gibson may be a crazy fuck, anti-Semite, woman beater now, but back then, he was cool enough to warrant Eric Clapton playing guitar for his “theme”. That’s bad as fuck.

So there we have it, on my way to childhood. Join me next time as I finish out the 80’s and run into the 90’s. Oh boy.

~Scofield

Follow me on Twitter @The_Scofield_